The art of not complaining like a little bitch

The art of not complaining like a little bitch

We all have the tendency to complain, whine, criticise and bitch, call it what you wish. In the meantime read the title again. No one wants to be called a ‘little bitch’. But I’m sure most of us have heard it a few times and theres not really a comeback once you’ve been told straight. You know the feeling right?

From any situation surrounding work or relationships it can be narrowed down to complaining about other people. We’ll concentrate on this particular as it has the effect of hitting home the message clearly. When we criticize, condemn or complain about another what do you think is happening? What do you think is ‘really’ happening? Take a moment and think about it.
Ok… The answer is infact, “you are doing harm upon yourself”. Strange it may seem at first thought. Exactly how can another’s fault or mistake possibly harm you from you stating them out loud.

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” – Dale Carnegie

As Dale Carnegie states any fool can do the above. If you take the time to examine the case of your reaction to their faults, nestled deep you can find the true answer. It’s your reaction to the situation that causes you to criticize and complain and it is your responsibility to deal with the situation accordingly. Responsibility, the meaning which derives from ‘our ability to respond’, in this instance our deep emotional response to others faults. If you find yourself taken aback without analysing the situation for what it really is then your response will almost certainly be negative. Negative response, negative outcome.

Putting this into a real context; if a work colleague were to make a mistake or was not as proficient at a task as yourself it can be frustrating nonetheless. If you find yourself in this situation (or should I say when…), take a step back to look from the perspective of the person you have just condemned. A method I use is a quick mental rundown of why they have done what they have for you to disapprove:

~ Maybe they are under extreme pressure.
~ Personal problems may be a cause of clouding their judgement.
~ They may not be a master of that skill but are learning the trade.
~ They could be in need of help rather than being made an example.
~ I make mistakes, why can’t they. We are only human.

The list can go on longer than my server can take the capacity. Thinking on the spot to yourself eases the effect of the emotional response helping to make a rational judgment. Balance the fraction of the time to think to the time taken by not, and you will notice the difference.

Another idea derived from our natural response to this situation is that we gain self gratification from condemning another. The ego is fuelled, in turn making ourselves feel superior but momentarily. Infact it is the opposite that happens in the long term. Envy and jealousy within us are prime emotions that contribute to this sense of superiority. A hint of another failing we grasp at the chance to condemn,why? Does it really make your feel superior? After the moment has passed ask yourself if you are in a better position than before. Or has your jealousy and envy just clouded your judgement. The old saying that ‘we complain about others what we hate about ourselves’ can be true to this point. We complain about the actual failings but deeper we are envious of their successes. Forget about their failings and look at your own, you may see some similarities but more importantly you may see in their success something that you are lacking yourself. Keep this in mind and you can see where you should concentrate on making improvements yourself.

Point is. If something whether it’s mind or matter doesn’t do you any personal benefit or others then it is seemingly pointless. Why do something that is pointless. Rational judgement would think otherwise. Complaining, criticizing and condemning has the power to become infectious and develop into a habit. Lest not forget that habits are consistent. There is a thin line between this habit and criticzing constructively for a positive outcome.

My method to tackle this may seem a little straight forward, but it works. Put a pound (or whichever currency you wish) into a pot for everytime you find yourself falling into the trap of this negative trait. Choose to do this over a period of say two months, and from my own experience, each week seen a stead fast decrease in my contribution into the pot. Make sure that the money collected goes towards something of note, or an extreme is to spend it on something wasteful. This way it will make your mind work harder to think before you speak. I don’t need the collection anymore, my method helped me force a habit which was creeping into my lifestyle to this habit being close to non existent. It does come back at times, but it’s a rarity.

“If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it, write it in the sand near the water’s edge”

The difference you will note in your well being and attitude from holding your thoughts and not speaking ill of others is a trait that can be mastered with some practice. Where your mind and body cannot be harmed be indifferent to others failing’s, as it is not them but you that will do harm upon yourself.

So in layman’s terms here’s my one lesson to you. Stop complaining like a little bitch and man up.

Jay Karsandas is a freelance designer in web, SEO, print and social media and writes about design, inspiration & philosohy. Also co-founder of gadgets and tech site mwoblog, while you can find him over at e2 community where he acts as author and webmaster.

16 Comments

  1. James C

    April 6th, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Man wish I could teach some people in my life this. Im not complaining but hey a few people jump straight to mind. It’s the one’s that bring others down with their mood. Im a happy person but no way do I let these mongers bring me down. Hell Yeah!

    Good stuff man!

  2. April 6th, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Well done on a great article. One I’m sure many people can relate to.

    I’m pretty sure I don’t condemn or complain much but am prepared to try your method n keep some £’s ready for a charity jar just in case.

    Keep up the good work. Look forward to further posts.

  3. Jay

    April 7th, 2011 at 8:10 am

    a lot of people are in denial about this subject. Only if we could record ourselves for a whole day. Trust me the pounds fill up quick than you realise. It works give it a try.

    Thanks for reading

    JK

  4. Anderson82

    April 13th, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    “Stop complaining and man up”

    Thats sunk it in one line. Sweet article in my opinion I come across these ppl every damn day. If I could carry a sign with your closing line it would make my day smooth. Keep it up playa… nice site ill keep an eye out for more. Like the meditations article hope you update them regular.

    A

  5. TheProducer

    April 14th, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Comment from Reddit –

    I agree. I really wish people would stop whinging and moaning, it wears thin after a while. All they do is waste others time and cause unnecessary angst.

    I’d upvote this more than once but Reddit only allow one upvote. That’s what really upsets me about Reddit, if I like something why can’t I rate it on a scale? Seriously, the programmers of this website need to take a good hard look at themselves. What’s the big deal if I want to upvote something 8 times?

    Really people, stop whinging like little bitches. You’re all a big bunch of girls.

  6. iberci

    April 14th, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Comment from Reddit –

    That’s what really upsets me about Reddit, if I like something why can’t I rate it on a scale? Seriously, the programmers of this website need to take a good hard look at themselves.

    I see what you did there.

  7. Jay

    April 14th, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Hey thanks for the good comments on my post. Something I actually feel could be changed with people! If not let them be and don’t turn into whiny bitched ourselves.

  8. Jay

    April 14th, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Hey thanks for the good comments on my post. Something I actually feel could be changed with people! If not let them be and don’t turn into whiny bitched ourselves.

  9. April 26th, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    An old dog barks not in vain.

  10. August 10th, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Excellent article and easy to realize explanation. How do I go about getting permission to post element of the content in my upcoming newsletter? Giving proper credit to you the author and link to the site would not be a problem.

  11. August 11th, 2011 at 8:13 am

    cheers about your article. quite gud.

  12. August 17th, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    I agree with your The art of not complaining like a little bitch – One Eared Dog, great post.

  13. August 17th, 2011 at 6:17 pm

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  14. September 19th, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Awesome article.. really enjoyed ur website. This shows ur maturity. Make it last

  15. September 23rd, 2011 at 8:36 am

    I like Your Article about The art of not complaining like a little bitch – One Eared Dog Perfect just what I was looking for! .

  16. Nur

    March 20th, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I just want to say, May the Ultimate Creator reward you abundantly for this practical advice. Somehow, it helps me to be a better Muslim. Thank you and I pray you will find what you are looking for here and hereafter.

    Nur

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